Dear Ex #2,

I feel like you bait and switched me.  You would say all these things about what you hate, what you love, what you are…but then a few months into the relationship, that all changed.  You started loving what you once (supposedly) hated, what I continued to hate.  Did your mind change, or was it a mind game? Did you really mean it when you said you’d never do those things? Or was it meant to impress me? Because it was cruel to let me fall for a person you weren’t willing to be.  And it was cruel to let me stay with the person you were.  If you really loved me, you would have ended it sooner, because you knew I deserved better but didn’t want to let me find better.  And it was foolish of me to do the same, because I knew the same.  I guess I just worried more about you than I did about me, which is stupid because it was my responsibility to help myself but not my responsibility to help you.  And that’s all I wanted: to help you.  I didn’t care that my grades were dropping along with my level of happiness.  I didn’t care that I was hurting as hard as I was trying.  I didn’t care that you wouldn’t change.  I didn’t care that my friends were hurting while watching me fall.  I told myself to stop caring about myself because to do so would be selfish and indulgent, that a bigger person would be content just knowing they were trying to help another.  That a stronger person would just suck it up and keep trying and stop crying. And that’s why I was too weak to let go.  And that’s why I told myself I’d stay as long as you wanted me.  Because I was afraid that letting you go too soon would lead you down a wrongful path and that it would be my fault for not leading you the way.

But finally, I let you go.  And though things were alright for a while, you eventually went down the path I thought you would.  You started reliving the stories that you once told me, about things you had done in the past, things you regretted.  But luckily, by then, I had grown and learned when to stop caring. 

I’ll admit it: sometimes I still wonder what it would have been like if I had taken you back; what you would have been life if I had take you back.  Would your life be better? Would you be happier? Would you be what I perceive as “good”? And I wonder if I could have saved you from all the frustration and unhappiness you would tell me about on the phone.  But now, I know that I am neither Superman nor Jesus and I was not meant to be a savior.  I am happy now, and it sacrificing that would have been unfair to the person I’ve known the longest: myself.  

I don’t wish you well, nor do I wish you harm.  If you ever read this, know that you do have a place in my heart because you did make me very happy for a long time and you were a great friend when I needed you.  But the way things look now, I don’t think there’s a place for you in my life.  Don’t think I hate you, because I don’t, but I don’t think you belong anymore.

…wow that was a long letter.  XDDD Guess that’s what happens when you finally say what you’ve been thinking for years.  Anyways…

Dear Ex #1

I used to tell people that my relationship with yours was the best I’d ever had.  And yes, I would say that even after I started going out with my current girlfriend.  You never hurt me the ways they did.  We ever argued the way I did with them.  Things were happy.  Looking back at it now, with a relationship as shallow as ours, how could it not be (not have been? Uh idk. XD)? You had an effect on me that no one else did.  Especially being my first relationship, my first love, etc. etc. 

And then you hurt me and all that junk and I was on your balls for years and blahblahblah but you knew all that, didn’t you?

And then I heard that you would have went out with me again if things were different.  And I was like, “YES!” Hahaha.  But, psh, I’m glad that it didn’t happen, because Lord knows how long I would have stayed with you.  I remember, before, people would tell us that they thought we’d last at least a year, and this was in high school where a year meant 1/4 of your entire high school career.  Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if you didn’t break up with me, too.  I still do, just because I’m curious as to how stupid I would have let myself be.  Because you and I weren’t, aren’t, and probably never will be, right for each other. 

Sure, we have this and that in common (60 things, actually), but we don’t have the same values.  And, according to my values, I’m too good for you.  Lol.  Again, keep in mind that I said according to my values, so in some aspects, I’m probably not good enough for you either. 

But anyway, I remember once you said that since you knew it was my first relationship, you wanted to make it as special for me as possible.  Well, you did a pretty good job with your player lines and your cute gifts.  Too bad I couldn’t drive then, ‘cause I woulda done some better stuff for you. 

But then you went and messed up a good thing.  But I guess it was fate.  ‘Cause after all the drama ended, you became one of my best friends.  My bro.  And though I hate to admit it, I do miss you a little bit.  You are fun to hang out with, and there are some ways that you relate to me that no one else does. 

But I treat my girl amazingly and you don’t do the same, and I don’t condone treating someone worse than they deserve to be, because I’ve been treated badly and I’ve treated badly, and I hate what happened to me and what I used to let happen even more.  And I’m sick of seeing it happen again. 

Btw, I’m not saying negative stuff about you just to be negative; I’m saying negative stuff about you based on the information your girlfriend told me and the things she said about you, because I actually used to defend you to people.  I used to say, “She really loves her girlfriend now.  She used to do this and that but she’s changed.”  That is, until one day your girlfriend called me to talk about the ways you disappointed her.  Or that night your girlfriend texted me and asked if I could talk to her. Or how your girlfriend would tell me how she’s stupid for forgiving you.  So before you go around telling people that I tried to ruin your relationship,

check yo girl.  Peace.